SONGS IN THE KEY OF GEOMORPHOLOGY

“Debris Flow from Montgomery”

I am an old hillslope

With deep and rich regolith

Nothing can touch me

Cause I got me some veg

But if lightning strikes trees

Or some asshole ignites leaves

Precipitation will cause me

To disregard Newtonian Flow

Make me a debris flow

That scours to bedrock

Make me a sheetwash

Caused by overland Flow

Just give my soil

Something to hold on to

Light me on fire and I’m ready to go

My sediment is bulking

For to scour the channel

Until I reach accommodation space

And deposit my fan

So run all of your models

Spread mulch on my bare ground

Lay down your log wattles

And head for high ground

Investigate my deposit

Observe a fine grain matrix

Supporting angular cobbles the size of your head

How the hell can a river

with such little stream power

entrain a boulder

and run it into your house

(Chorus)

“Sitting on top of a Terrace”

T’was in the Pleistocene

On a Stormy day

My river incised me

It downcut away

Now I’m abandoned

But I don’t worry

I’m sitting on top of a terrace

My river was migrating

Laterally

Till baseflow dropped out

Now it down cuts me

And I’m abandoned

But I don’t worry

I’m Sitting on top of the terrace

Now I’ve got a stable surface

Soils develop on me

Dig yourself a pit Lord

And look what you’ll see

A fat K horizon

From thick loess deposits

That’s all sitting on top of a Terrace

“Old Rock Hammer”

Well I guess I grew up in the backcountry

Field days always seemed best to me

Then I found out that I could smash rocks

Draw some doodles on a page and charge a fee

Well I learned about physics and chemistry

And I heard about waveforms and isotropy

But all of that makes me want to fall asleep

Come on now and smash some rocks with me!

Oh, thank you Estwing, Old Rock Hammer!

Your rock crushing skills have got me breaking the granite

Out here we measure strike and dip

Sample soil, silt, and rocks on the research trip.

Oh, thank you Estwing, Old Rock Hammer!

Your rock crushing skills have got me breaking the granite now

I know I’ll be out here for weeks

Because I can’t take the sight of a computer scree-ee-en

So I got me a Brunton and a GPS,

Laser beacon, range finder, XRF,

Hand auger, Hand Lens, Right in the Rain

But none of them please me like the ol Estwing

(Chorus)