THE OFFICIAL RULES OF GEOLOGY: MURPHY'S LAWS OF THE GEOSCIENCES (Invited Presentation)

Geology and the geosciences are no stranger to Murphy’s Law and its effects, whether they appear in the field, in a laboratory, staring at a computer, in academia, private sector, or government. Given geologists’ frequent direct contact with the perversity of nature and their natural propensity to face any situation with humor, countless sage proverbs, wisecracks, rules and explanations have been created to excuse and understand the craziness that geoscientists regularly face. We review dozens of them, culled from the authors’ archives as well as “The Official Rules,” a curated collection of 5,427 rationales for coping with the world’s and society’s foibles.

Our presentation covers legendary old saws including “one outcrop, two geologists, three interpretations,” and newly-published nuggets such as the late, great Bennie Troxel’s “The only thing a 4×4 does is get you stuck in worse places” (Pavlis et al. 2017, Geology 45:482).

There are pearls of universal wisdom by geoscientists themselves, including: Rooney’s Law: “A picture tells 1000 words, 999 of which you didn’t mean to say,” with Leach’s Variant, “A picture is worth 1000 words, but a good map is worth 10,000” Engle’ Law: “There are only two kinds of projects in this world- those you haven’t started, and those that are overdue” and Velarde’s Law: “You can’t shine if you don’t polish.”

Laws, rules and observations invoking various aspects of geoscience: Napa Flood Rule: “Trying to stop a flood with sandbags is like trying to shove a noodle up a tiger” Getty’s Reminder: “The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights” and Steiner’s Observation: “The Stone Age didn’t end because we ran out of rocks.” As well as explanations for the screw-ups, head-scratching situations and strange occurrences we inevitably encounter, including: Clark’s Document Law: “Nothing improves proofreading skills like hitting the ‘submit’ button” (proven with this very abstract, the first time it was entered!) Kruszelnicki’s Law: “Anything, no matter how boring, looks interesting under the electron microscope” and Fenster’s Law: “One person’s confusion is another’s PhD thesis.”

Come smile, laugh and knowingly nod as we unriddle the reasons things happen! The collection will be available at theofficialrulesofgeology.wordpress.com after the presentation.